Homophobia at Work

Last week at work I was a witness to an example of how homophobia is often boiling under the surface, even in settings where sexuality has no real place (thus proving that sexuality is a component of any human gathering). In this case, the incident occurred in a meeting room with ten people.

The scenario:
One man, let's call him Rick, was trying to get his laptop connected to a faulty projector. In order to get it to work, he had to push on the cable, but couldn't do so while also operating a mouse.

The second man, alias Bob, decided to lend a hand and hold the cable so Rick could do his presentation. This was a considerate and helpful gesture. However, this meant that Bob's hand was positioned in very close proximity to Rick's hand on his mouse. Instead of simply holding the cable silently and letting Rick proceed, Bob felt the need to make a proclamation, lest anyone think he was holding Rick's hand.

The pronouncement:
"I'm not gay."

The result:
Mild laughter, twittering.

Bob is not a malicious person at heart, and on the surface, this is not the worst bit of gay bashing one could encounter. However, the implication of saying "I'm not gay" with no provocation is that there is something HORRIBLE about even being considered gay. In fact, it's so horrible and embarrassing to be gay that he needed to immediately tell the world he was straight, even in a moment when NO ONE else in the room was likely to be even thinking about his sexual orientation.

This just shows how insidious homophobia is, and how it's a social infection that people resort to so reflexively that it takes enormous effort to even become aware of. These attitudes are adopted early in life and emerge again and again, unless awareness is achieved.

The bottom line:
Words matter. Who's to say who in the room was gay? And how would it have made him feel? And even if no one in the room was gay, it still reaffirms the received notion that homosexuality is to be shunned at all costs--a message that gets repeated in the schoolyard and in boardrooms.

As a lesbian, I was offended by the devaluation of being gay. (Although this kind of homophobia manifests differently for gay men and lesbians--the typical unwanted straight male response to lesbianism is generally leering interest.) I understand that gay male homophobia is more apparent and even dangerous, and I believe it's sometimes harder to be a gay male in our culture than a lesbian. (I'll leave the topic of lesbian invisibility for another post.)

A gay male friend of mine who has been out of the closet for a good 20 years recently told me that he doesn't find any real benefit to being out in the workplace anymore, and has chosen to largely re-closet himself professionally. This broke my heart. It's 2008. Why are gay people still the last socially acceptable group to openly ostracize?

Homophobia is real. Please don't pass it on.